Please forgive the long absence. I started this blog in May of 2010, since then many changes in my life have occurred. One year ago I never would have imagined or wanted many of those blindsides, yet God's providence is so wise and good. I am compelled to talk about the blessings God sent in the unlikely form of Acute Myeloid Leukemia last October.
I was rushed from our small town hospital, which took good care of me, but was not equipped to treat AML, to a team of specialists at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. For a month I immersed myself in Scripture and prayer while my loving husband listened to everything doctors told us and did his own research on-line at my bedside. Todd waited on me, prayed with me, advocated for me, dealt with the children three hours away back home, and made successive trips to bring them for visits and take them back for school. Our oldest daughter who had been out of the house on her own for a couple of years, came rushing to my bedside, and many friends, family, and neighbors were prayerful and supportive. I will never forget the wonderful visits from friends and letters and emails from so many in the body of Christ who reached out to me during the several months of treatment. My kids were well feed by folks who brought many meals over to us, including gift cards etc. A couple of gal friends took our younger two out for their birthdays and did things for them I couldn't do. I will never forget the ladies who prayed with me in the hospital and sang worship songs that I could only listen to and cry through, I was so frail.
I could not say this if it weren't for the miraculous work of God and his Holy Spirit in my life: I am thankful for Leukemia. It was a blessing to face the strong possibility of death. Nothing of the trite, vain, silly, sinful, carnal, selfish, and temporary seems important in the face of death. And because of Jesus and his atonement on the cross and the faith he placed in my heart many years ago, I was able to hear the doctor's diagnosis and know that God is bigger than blood cancer.
"Ah, Lord God! Nothing is too hard for you! It is you who have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you!" [Jeremiah 32:17]
But there is another aspect to this. God showed me from Scripture that the goal of my prayers should not be mere physical healing, but that he would be seen in all the sickness, even unto death. The greatest and biggest battle is not to survive AML, but to survive my self. To make little of myself, even in sickness, and to make much of Jesus Christ.
We don't have to figure out why we are suffering. I take great comfort in the fact that the Bible is full of people who have suffered ultimately because God wants their suffering to point people to Jesus. Not only as healer, but as the One who is worthy of our love and worship no matter our health or circumstances. This is a radically biblical way to think. It is unnatural. It can only be embraced and achieved by immersing oneself in God's word.
While in the hospital, two of my daughters helped me write out Bible verses and tape them up on the walls and the door of my room. People from church also sent me verses written or printed out. Of course, my family and I hoped and prayed for healing. We were trusting God to use the medical experts and the amazing nurses and staff at the hospital to heal me. But truth be told, I was just as concerned about the spiritual healing of all those around us, even family, who would either be indifferent, repelled by, or drawn to the Bible verses taped up everywhere. Never in my life have I had such a mission field and so much time to devote to it. I was also humbled by the incredibly loving and bold ministrations I received from many nurses who immediately identified themselves as believers and even prayed over me while drawing blood or administering chemo. One wonderful technician saw the dozens of verses and started confessing her lost faith. The word of God drew her in and made her realize how much she was missing in her life since she had walked away from Christ.
I am blessed and thankful to be in remission since March. I have monthly lab work done and sent to the doctor. Leukemia remission is a matter of time. The longer the remission the better.
Our family moved to the Atlanta area where we began as young marrieds and we love it here. We easily found a new church and got registered for the new school and are still getting settled. But I will always live as in remission. Physically and spiritually. I trust that whatever God decides for me, my children, my husband, our family, our country, will be good. He doesn't just know the future, he ordains it.
I must continue to grow in my understanding of Christ, enjoy bringing glory to God, and obey his Scriptures. Humanly speaking there are many responsibilities. But my focus is less on trying to figure out what God is doing than on worshipping the God who is always worthy of all my praise. My aim is less to seek after God for a blessing than to simply seek Him for himself. And I find that my desire increases to be dominated by his Word the more I read and study.
We are in a war for the glory of God, my sisters. God will have his way. He doesn't need my assistance to bring about his will and desire. But our role as believers is to be a part of his glory by enjoying God, to be satisfied in Christ. It is a fight to find one's satisfaction in Christ when we can't physically see him and when the world is hurling its enticing lies and temptations at our faces.
This blog and my books are my war effort to edify other women so that we will understand from Scripture our battle orders, our calling as women who are uniquely designed to bring glory to God. There are uniquely feminine ways we women bring glory to God in all seasons of our lives. "The Lord gives the word; the women who announce the news are a great host..." [Psalm 68:11-12] Let us edify each other to be women of God by learning about God's whispers of grace in the lives of his holy women of the past. They still speak to us today.
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